I just want them to know that despite it all... despite any small drama or stress that may come upon them they need to stop and go... is it worth it? Because nothing is worth the moment he saw me the first time in my dress and I saw him. Nothing at all. Or when he and I finally said those words we had talked about for so long we would say "someday"... So I feel this unfinished post needs to be posted as I had wanted that day I let it spill out of me. Just as a testimony that there is a moment where clarity hits and you realize all that was important was you and him in the end. That is it. Just you two. Not them. Not anyone or anything. Just you two. So this is a long distance shout out to my two soon to be brides... Something I never got tired of hearing cause you just need to hear it sometimes and with meaning...It will be okay. Promise. So enjoy my unfinished blog post from so long ago...
12 days and I don't know if I should care if lemonade or punch should be in a large orange cooler...
Today I received the stand that will hold the iPad for my photo booth. Today I also had my front door window shatter. Today I also realized that no matter what happens here from out it... it's it. There is not much more I can change. Nothing more that I can do to go back and change as this big day is in 12 days. Today for some reason... I miss my brother more than normal. I don't know why. I just do.
I mean the feeling is no different than any other day. I wake up in morning and I say a prayer asking God to please bless my family, friends and all that I encounter. I do. I sometimes ask that God send a message to my brother telling him I miss him and hug him. So here it is. The Debbie Downer moment. I, for some reason am having a hard time letting go of this feeling that I am letting a lot go when this happens. Not in a bad way. Just that... I have been Regina Ann Rios and will be that girl until 12 days. Now some of you are going... but you aren't anyone different. I will be though. And not that I don't mind, but it truly is a new chapter. And here I am... missing my brother. Wishing he was here with some dopey thing to say to me to snap me out of it... To say to me its gonna be fine. To tell me he will make sure it will all be fine like he used to. Then attempt to do some weird dance move he saw on Friday Night Videos to make me laugh....
I have told this story before, but whenever I have this moment I remember this and it makes me feel better. When I was 11 I had this birthday party at my sister's apartment in Fremont. It was a typical slumber party... group of girls, sugar, movies, popcorn, and drama. It wouldn't be a proper slumber party if you didn't have that. I remember crying because no one was getting along. My sister was regretting allowing my party at her apartment.... Then my brother showed up. He all cool in his jean jacket with all the buttons, high top converse... and he came in and took me in the other room. He asked me what my problem was... So I spilled out all the silly drama of a 11 yr old at a slumber party. He just sat there thumbing through my sister's cassettes waiting till I was done. After I spilled it out... he says to me so now what? Its your party, don't let the other girls stupidity get to you. Just don't worry about them. Let them be dumb about that stupid crap. It's gonna be okay. You know why? Cause I am here. So if anything else happens you tell me. I will fix it. Okay? Now lets go out and clean up your face. You look silly.... He was right. I am crying about dumb stuff. I worry so much about all the stupid small drama around all of this. I need to stop. This is my wedding. Not anyone else's personal moment to make it theirs. It is mine. And I need not to worry about small things like such as if I want lemonade and water in coolers at my wedding. I don't care. I have to let it go. Yes that was a small drama about lemonade and water. One of a too many lets say.
So far my wedding has had its fair share of small dramas and I am realizing... it is all dumb. Dumb. I have to stop talking about it when it happens, stop worrying if someone will have hurt feelings, I just need to start looking at big picture. I am going to marry this guy... this one guy who didn't realize it but said those magic words that for some reason haven't meant much since that one time a long time ago... he said to me it's gonna be okay. It will all be fine and it will be okay. It's been a while since I felt it was going to be.
So I am sure this seems like a big dramatic set of words and silliness to some about this. I mean people get married every day! This is not new. It is new to me. I have been a maid of honor 5 times... each time I saw it on the outside and here I am on the inside. Its weird. I am not nervous. I am anxious. I want it here so I can say hey it's real. All these plans, ideas, fights, tears, all of it... comes to be real. All for one simple thing to say this is my husband. WEEEEEEEEEEIRD. HUSBAND. Even typing it... WEEEEEEEEEIRD. I mean COME ON. Some of you have to admit me having a HUSBAND IS WEEEEEEEEIRD. I mean there was a time in my life for MANY years I didn't think I would ever really find someone and marry. I just didn't. He was definitely not my type.... He and I talked about that the other day. He was not my type. Though to be honest I am not sure of my type. Though my friends who knew me over the years could probably tell me the type I tend to gravitate towards. And there he was upsetting all the ideas and expectations I had assumed was right for me. I am glad I never gave up on that weird guy sitting in the corner of the booth staring at me...
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